C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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