Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
