i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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