I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
