: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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