He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
