I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
