The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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