Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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