the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
