After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You're like the curious george of whores
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
