i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
