Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Vodka?
Forever.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
