im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
