i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
