I want to walk on stilts...naked
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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