Nicole vs. Life
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
