The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
