Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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