The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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