It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
