Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
