just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
