69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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