Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
