so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
