Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
