So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
