I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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