Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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