i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
