you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
