In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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