The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
