If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
