I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
