When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
