he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
