you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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