I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
