Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There r osticjed everywhere
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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