i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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