Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
