dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
This is my gift to your gina
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
