I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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