I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
