Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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