Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
