We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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