fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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