She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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