that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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