I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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