when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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