Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
