I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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