420 ftw
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
